Husbands enjoy positive reinforcement and so do wives, children, girlfriends, boyfriends. lovers, and friends, the next door neighbor.  Even the girl behind the counter checking out the groceries appreciates some positive feedback.
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It is true, you get more out of people when you offer them honey.

I am still learning to be a wife and I think I need to remember this piece of advice for my own good. -R

The notion of “voice” is what I’ve been thinking about this week. 

I love my voice.  I was actively taught to use the voice I was born with.  Everyone is born with a voice but, as we know, some are stifled before awareness dawns.   

I learned to write in the sand with a stick on a little island in Olympia.  I learned my alphabet by putting stones together in the shape of the letters.  I learned to count because I was allowed to throw as many rocks off the boat dock as I could count with out a mistake.  I had real, embodied, incentive to count very high because I so loved the splash and then all the rings upon the water that the rock created.   I had to carry all the rocks up onto the dock so I counted them at least twice, once when I put them on the dock and then again when I tossed them into the water.

There were so many interesting books to read in our house.  Mom read to us while she put her curlers in her hair.  Grandma crocheted her a “curler basket”.  It was a bleach bottle with the top cut off and then a crocheted section on the top that closed with a draw string and huge yarn pom-poms on it.  I remember this being made out of bright variegated, 1969-ish acrylic yarn.  When mom asked you to get this out from under the bathroom sink you knew it was your turn to choose a book and be ready to turn the pages for her.  If one was very lucky there was some cocoa to sip in front of the fire and mom would allow you to be the one to light a candle on the mantle.  Usually we had tea and toast.  Reading and story telling was an evening ritual.  Mom took pride in educating us- she did not delegate the entire responsibility to the school or other care providers. 

Now, ZOOOOM! Forward 31 years.  Today I tutor children in basic reading and math skills.  I am amazed at what I am observing.  I have kids who can’t identify a fish hook, a jar, or a rug when presented with a picture of it.  I have third graders who cannot put alphabet cards in order and students in fifth grade who cannot tell time on an analog clock  I do not worked with children with cognitive delays.  I do believe there is environmental deficits- but this is subjective.  

I asked a group of 14 kids today how many of them have parents who read to them. Two raised their hands.  I asked how many had TVs in their bedrooms.  Twelve out of 14 raised their hands.  Six kids said their parents had a TV in their bedrooms and so the family did not, and doesn’t have to watch TV together.  Only about 3 raised their hands when I asked who ate dinner at the dinner table.  Education and the building of voice is delegated to "the school".  

I’ve worked with children for a long time, in various settings, and so my brain knows this is the way of things.  But my heart, it rebels at this.  How can we as a community and as a nation, so stifle and neglect our children’s voices?  The number one way a child learns they have a voice is to have conversations with others, not passively consume flat, media. Communicating well, and having a strong voice, is learned by truly interacting with others.  When we put earphones on our kids and tell them to go watch TV or play a video game in the other room we severe the ties that bind us to them.  They enter into a different world, constructed by and controlled by the media. 

The kids I work with can tell me all about Halo, Call of Duty, and Mortal Combat but have never seen an actual fishing pole.  They have bowled on the Wii and think it is “the same” as bowling in a bowling alley.  This is not at all true on physical level but in addition to this the bowling alley offers actual (rather than virtual) social interaction not possible on the Wii.  The girls can tell me all about the show “The Cake Boss” but have never stirred the batter of an actual cake.  The girls can tell me about “Say Yes to the Dress” but have never seen anyone sew up even a hem on a pair of pants. 

I appreciate the need for the world to move on and that life evolves.  I know the way it was is not, and should not, be the way it is.  Still and yet, I am concerned about the development of strong voices and communication skills in our kids.  They seem to spend so much time observing and so little time interacting and practicing their communication skills.  Most astounding to me is that parents seem to be interacting less with their kids and thus there are less opportunities for our children to engage and learn to use their own voices and navigate around, and sometimes though the din of others' voices. 

I grew up in a exuberant family with 6 kids in it and various relatives and whomever the cat dragged in.  Mom and Dad and my elder sisters and brother had to work their butts off to make it all work.  Still, my parents found the time to listen to us and to talk with us and to do with us.  We participated in my parents work and they participated in ours.  I washed dishes with Mom and she helped me write my alphabet in the sand.  We were often told to go outside and play but we were never given earphones and told to watch others play.  We were required to act and be active.  It is because I had the opportunity to live actively and to be heard by active people that I was able to develop a voice and thus be as self-aware as I am now.

So I leave you with this questions….

What can I do, and what can we do, engagement and activity within the family so children can learn to communicate and develop their voice?  

 

My friends on Facebook keep telling me to start a blog and they  will "follow" it.  I find this amazing.  I am going pay attention to and act upon their encouragement.  So as of today I am a confirmed blogger.  Look out world!  Robin Has Arrived.  But as with all my adventures the beginning may have a lot of jerks, stops, starts and be just plain disorganized.  Hang with me.  We, my collected self, and the collective YOU out there will help me get this going and in the right direction.